The Statesman printed this piece in their first issue of volume 13 on Friday September 19, 1969. It was printed in a special feature section called “The Freshmen Herald.”

As man and boy I have watched Stony Brook evolve from a drive-in movie theater to a used car lot. The rumors that it exists is being investigated. Stony Brook, is itself being investigated; SDS [Students for a Democratic Society] is being investigated; the Statesman is being investigated; and State Senator Ozzie Mandias is going to investigate you, kid. You will inevitably be investigated because you are ripe for investigation. Which brings me to the point: you can always find yourself in hot water if you do not know how to…

RULE NUMBER ONE: Be cool. As man and boy I have watched John Toll for two years, and he watched me for two years, which brings us to the year 1965 when my parents were complaining about taxes and prices and the Prices, who lived next door, were complaining about me. It seems that I fell into the habit of watching the chimney on Christmas Eve, waiting for Santa. Little did I know that Santa was down the street visiting the children who had been perceptively better than I, which brings us to…
RULE NUMBER TWO: Santa will not find you, you must find Santa. You will all graduate in 1973, and by 1973 we will either have a new president or we will have the same president. In either case, the sun will not set on some discontent. Now if you were good kiddies, and read The New York Times, you read that we had a sit-in, and a riot, and an ad in The Times. But no matter how hard you read, and no matter how tediously you scoured the articles, you will never know what happened here. Why? Because you weren’t there. I was there and even I don’t know what happened. And if I don’t know what happened, how can anyone know what happened. And no matter what you read here, we’re not sure.
RULE NUMBER THREE: Be there. Whatever side you’re on be there and don’t hit anybody. Hitting is in direct violation of rule number one. And now down to the brass tacks, which can be painful or helpful, depending on how you use them. Stony Brook is the metaphysical midpoint between Harpo Marx and a premature baby. Stony Brook was not conceived, bred, passed through embyonic and fetal stages, and then born. No. It sprang from the brow of Nelson Rockefeller fully armed and fully confused, and it was thrown upon the world like an eight foot giant with the mind of a two year old. Which brings us to the observation that very often we deal with six-foot giants with the minds of two year olds; in the faculty, Administration, and even in the student body. And the best way to deal with a two-year-old is to…
RULE NUMBER FOUR: Give him his bottle. You take it from there.
Oh yeah, Social life, dating, broads, guys, the whole bit. The best thing you can do is to read Harold Rubenstein’s movie reviews and to take it from there. When the right movie comes up, get working. Remember dances are moods, not hops. A Hop is something that went out long, long, ago. And girls, if you’re looking for a respectable husband who will serve you well, John Toll is single. Which leads us to believe that…
RULE NUMBER FIVE: Nothing is impossible. This freshman class is probably the most sophisticated that this school has seen. You probably don’t need any advice. And when you finally come to the point where you are standing somewhere and tell yourself, I don’t need any advice, you will either be made a university president or you finally won. It certainly paid to buy Park Place didn’t it?
- EVERETT EHRLICH

Source: Statesman vol. 13 no. 1

After nearly 2 weeks of planning and a few days of hard work to promote a massive protest against budget cuts and tuition hikes, we had the event in modern Stony Brook style; the style that has earned us the title “Most Unhappy Students” for several years now. Make no mistake, these recent protests are nothing like those that once made Stony Brook “The Berkley of the East.” Something indeed has been missing for a long time since then, and it has been my mission to determine what it is.

1. Motivation: This recent economic crisis has been the most recent driving force for outrage at Stony Brook, although not dissent. Even outrage may be too a strong word considering that only a small percentage of students seem to care enough to rally for an hour of their day when nobody has class.

2. Number of affected students: Statistically this is much better today than it was a few decades ago, because a tuition hike directly affects most of the students and a budget cut affects 100% of the students, faculty and staff. Yet we see statistically insignificant crowds showing up. Compared to a protest against a war or the administration, where very few students are directly affected, this hardly counts as a protest.

3. Promotion Method: Again we see a clear advantage today with the advances of the Internet and Facebook, as well as easy and free printing for posters. I spent all day yesterday putting up more than 80 posters around campus and promoting it everywhere on Facebook and through email lists. At least we know that a massive number of people were aware of the event.

4. Organization: The Students for a Democratic Society at Stony Brook of the 1960’s would bring out 300 students and faculty just to a meeting, just imagine how many they would have at a protest. We are lucky to get that many just to click “join” on Facebook. Our events are also planned differently. They are sponsored by the Undergraduate Student Government (yeah, quite lame). There is more of a focus on crappy music and speakers than student activism. Modern Stony Brook protests are too passive. Perhaps students would be more committed if it involved a risk or some immediate call to action.

5. Context: This gets more into my own speculation, but I think context is important. There once was a trend of activism among young people, espicially for civil rights which was a major issue at Stony Brook. We protested about issues that were both national and local. Although that dissenting spirit may have helped to start major protests on smaller issues as well. Students were in a dissenting mindset. Today we have less activity in general, and a greater trust in authority.

6. Generation: Without any hard facts and numbers left, I will refer to an interesting article that I read about our generation. We grew up in a fairly peaceful decade and we were raised by the television and the internet. Students are so busy they they “don’t have time” to care about important issues any more. We are a selfish generation. We have been spoiled for so long that we don’t know what it means to dissent from authority and cause real change. Why is it that we only protest against people who are too far away to care? When was the last time you heard of an occupation at Stony Brook? The better the school gets, the more people like to complain. We went from being mudville and the Berkley of the east, to having a beautiful campus and some of the least happy students in the nation.

So then the question remains; what is wrong with kids these days? Stop worrying so much about little things like conformity and time management, and start worrying about #1 and #2: Rights and Money! We are rapidly losing both every day.